So… I smell…

sort of…

Well… now I do.

And I’m not rank…

I just have a certain “strength” to my sweat…

It’s weird…
I used to sweat…
But I used to never sweat too bad…
and when I sweat alot…
(I go out dancing all the time.)
I didn’t have any noticable smell…
Nothing too strong, nothing that I would have noticed…

But it wasn’t until I hit 30…
Something must have happened to my body chemistry…
I started to have a certain “ripeness” to myself when I sweat…
And I noticed it after a while…

Cut to a couple of months later…
And I’ve started to use a deodorant/antiperspirant spray…
Right Guard Sport to be more specific…

I had started to run out and I decided to other day to buy a new one…

I went to the Duane Reade and looked over the plethora of choices…

Fresh scent and unscented…
Triple protection, all day protection…
stick, gel or spray…

I was spinning…

I decided, at most, that I wanted a spray…
I knew I didn’t want a stick or gel…

(I had used deodorant when I was in junior high…
It was more about not wanting to be left out…
It was the time for pubes and body changes…
If you didn’t use deodorant… you weren’t grown up yet…
Peer pressure… gotta love it.)

So spray it was…
But, go with what I know?

Right guard…

Or…

Hmmm…

What’s in the green shiny can?

Why…

It’s…

It’s BRUT!!!

I immediately lifted up the lid to smell it…
and there it was…
that familiar scent from my childhood and teens.

“Brut… The Essence Of Man”

The biggest smile came across my face…
All these images flashed back to me.
They were of the ads for the aftershave and the guys that were in them.

Muhamad Ali…

Luke Chamberland…

And of course…

Joe Namath…

Oh… Broadway Joe…

Joe talking to you through the mirror…
No wait…
Not you…
Me…
Talking to me…
In nothing but a towel…
And splashing on Brut with vigor and strength…

Oh Joe…

*sigh*

I know.

A lot of people associate Brut with their Granddad…

But I have a different memory of it…

I have always associated Brut with men…

Men and locker-rooms…

When I worked out at my local gym when I was a teen…
I would always smell that in the air every now and again…

I knew it was Brut cause nothing else smells like it…
It doesn’t smell like baby power or soap…
Not clean linen or (god forbid) musk…
(Musk?!?!)

It was Brut… and Brut was being worn on the men around me…

These grown men…
together…
being boisterous, and brawny…
Half naked, and some totally…
And I, in the middle of it all…
Sitting on the bench, not really understanding why I liked that smell…
Why I “really” liked that smell…

So…

Needless to say…

Tag? Pluuleez.

Axe? Whatever.

*sniff*

I’m a Brut man now.

Dom Deluise was/is one of my favorite comedic character actors in the world…
I mean…
Come on…
His credits speak for themselves…

Cannonball Run!?!?
Best Little Whorehouse In Texas!?!!?
History Of the World, Pt. 1!?!?!

Just to name a few…

And who could forget him in Blazing Saddles?!?!?

“Throw out your hands. / Stick out your tush. / Hands on your hips, give ‘em a push. / You’ll be surprised you’re doing the French mistake. / Voila.”
(Yes, it rode a gay sterotype… but hell… they made fun of everyone in that movie. Nobody was safe.)

But the best thing he’s ever produced…

His sons!!!

OMG…

There’s something good in them genes/jeans…

Let’s go youngest to oldest shall we?

David DeLuise

(He was the reason I started this entry…
he’s in some dog food commercial I just watched and *ding*…
I thought… “He has to be a DeLuise boy.”)
I had seen him around in a lot of tv shows…
Most notably, as a recurring student made to suffer under the tutelage of one Prof. Dick Solomon on
“3rd Rock From The Sun”.
I also remember seeing him in “Robin Hood: Men in Tights”.

Mmmmmm… men in tights…

But while looking at his credits, I came to find out…
He’s also the voice of Coop on an animated series I enjoy alot… Megas XLR!

Awesome.

Next up…

Michael DeLuise

Although not as well credited as his younger brother…
He’s had two roles that stick out for me the most…
(Obscure as they are)

One…
He was in Wayne’s World as one of Wayne’s friends…
He’s the dude with the frizzed out hair
(and nice arms in the cut off t-shirt)
head banging in the back seat…

Mmmmmm… banging in the back seat…

And two…
He also played Tony Piccolo…
A smart-ass Brooklyn bred Naval diver assigned on a short lived,
but surprising really good,
Sci-Fi series called SeaQuest 2032.

Two words…
Wet suit…

And finally…

The one that started this minor “obsession” for me…

Peter DeLuise

*sigh*
As those around me swooned to the pouty lipped and slick haired Johnny Depp on 21 Jump Street…
I secretly ached for his often gruff but soft hearted police partner, Doug Penhall, played superbly by Peter DeLuise.

Mmmmmm… frisking…

He also played, years later, Dagwood…
a slow and misunderstood worker (think Lennie in “Of Mice and Men”)…
on yet again…
Seaquest 2023…

(I keep seeing these brothers cross credits on similar shows…
CSI, NYPD Blue, 21 Jump St., Seaquest…
Can we say nepotism? I knew we could.)

But as I was scanning though Peter Deluise’s credits…
It seems he has turned to directing now…
And on two Sci-Fi shows that I had frequented many times…
He’s directed episodes for “Andromeda” and numerous episodes of “Stargate SG-1″

Beaucoup Fresh.

The boys have been busy…

But can they get busy with me?

*sigh*

I was browsing The WoW Report like usual…
When one of their correspondents has mentioned that they had spotted Paul Williams at a local pizza place…

I was at first like…

whoop di doo… “Old Fashion Love Song”… whatever…

Then they went on to mention how they had complimented him on

Phantom of The Paradise.

I was then like…

Oh my f*cking god!!! THAT’S THE MOVIE!!! That is the movie I was talking about!!!

For years!!! Years!!! I had referenced this movie, but I could never remember it’s name!
And there it was… In all it’s flickering electronic glory!!!

I was a kid when I saw this movie on tv.
(TV was my babysitter. )
I had stayed up and it came on.

Phantom of The Paradise was the story of a young man, named Winslow, that strove to bring his rock opera, based on Faust and starring a young girl named Phoenix whom he is in love with, to fruition but his idea is stolen by an evil record exec named Swan, played by Paul Williams, and his life utterly goes into chaos. During one point of the movie, Winslow tries to sneak into Swan’s company to get back his opera, only to be shot, fall into a record press, and is left for dead, but comes back to reek havok wearing a mask that conceals his deformed face, the imprint of vinyl forever branded upon his body.

And so begins Phantom of The Opera, glam rock style.

So beaucoup fresh.

Winslow finally promises to stop reeking havok when Swan convinces him he will put on his rock opera, starring Phoenix, the way it should be and has him sign his name in blood to seal the deal, but later Swan double crosses Winslow again, with Winslow ending up killing himself and Swan.

Through out the entire movie, everyone decends into darkness one way or another.
Greed… Lust… all the sins are there….
But with spandex and glitter make up.

The way the movie is filmed is the real genius…
Think Tommy, meets Rocky Horror, meets Phantom of the Opera, meets Faust.
You just have to watch the movie to understand the “so bad… it’s good factor” of it,
with music of course supplied by…

Paul Williams….

(I also came to find out that Brian DePalma directed the film… who knew?!?)

But the madness doesn’t stop there…

I had originally started posting this entry to end up reveling within Phantom of The Paradise…

But as I was looking through Paul Williams’ discography I came across another movie he supplied the music for…
Another movie that sits softly in the corner of my mind and I let flicker for my own personal delight.
That movie is

Bugsy Malone.

The user comment on IMDB really sums up my feelings on it.

“The greatest kiddie-gangster-musical flick ever to land on the Silver Screen!”

The movie is based in the Roaring 20’s when gangsters ruled the town…
But here…
the adults are kids…
And the kids shoot each other with whipped cream instead of bullets…
And they all break into roarious moments of song and dance…
(With vocals strangely dubbed over by adults?!?)

Oh…
Did I forget to mention who starred as the leads, Bugsy and Tellulah…

Well…

It’s none other than…
Scott Baio and Jodie Foster!

A young Scott Baio and Jodie Foster singing and dancing in gangster getup and flapperware.

The story is pretty straight forward…
Gangster war…
Seen The Godfather?
Same difference…
But no blood…
Just lot’s of cream pies…

In the end…
you walk away with knowing that the moral of the story is…

No one wins in war.

And knowing is half the battle.
(Yoooooo Joe.)

“My name is Tallulah
My first rule of thumb
I don’t say where I’m going
Or where I’m coming from
I try to leave a little reputation behind me
So if you really need to
You’ll know how to find me…”

Lol…
Oh Jodie… You’ve come so far.

“It puts the lotion in the basket.”

Awesome.

Pun intended…
I went to the Black Party this year because one of my favorite production teams was DJ’ing @ the event…
Chus and Ceballos as well as Victor Calderone.
I was not disappointed by either.
Also, many good looking blokes were out and about so there was plenty to see…
And I do mean plenty…
(…Doing the deed on the dancefloor? Really? Well you go on with your bad self…)
I danced liked it was going out of style and I’m tired…still.
The event was themed “Lucha Libre”.
Everything was associated with Mexican wrestling.
Wrestling rings…
Staff in full head masks…
A Mariachi player…
Hay spread everywhere…
Plus live animals…
A donkey, a pig, and some chickens…

So in honor of the event…
I bring you…

Championship Cock Fighters

A cute little flash game that I believe ties it all together nicely…
(Latin flavor… Fighting… and well… Cocks.)

Unfortunately, it is a two player game…
So invite a friend over to your place and offer him a cock fight…
You’ll be glad you did.

One of my favorite commercials to date is this twisted
Starburst Commercial
where an art student unveils a statue he made to a girl, of the girl, made from starbursts
as “Hello ” by Lionel Richie plays in the background…

Beaucoup Fresh…

Best reaction…
When he goes to taste the cherry lips…
The horror splashed across her face is priceless.

But this commercial, in a way, really captured the essence of the origial video to “Hello”

That essence would be… STALKER.

Lionel Richie didn’t just fawn over her in that video…

He stalked her…

Talked/sang to her from far…

Constantly watching her every move…

When she was in class…
When she was talking to her friends…
When she sculpted…

STALKER ALERT! STALKER ALERT! STALKER ALERT!

And to top it all off…
She was blind!!!
Shame on you Lionel Richie…
Stalking a poor defenseless blind girl like that…
That’s just plain creepy you dirty dirty man…

(Oh and I found this laying along side the internet highway… Two guys documenting their effort to Build Their Own Lionel Richie Head… Awesome.)

According to the New York Post’s Page Six they are bringing The Lord of The Rings to the stage…

AS A MUSICAL!!!!

WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?!

I, like many people out there, are/were big fans of the J.R. Tolken quest…

For God’s sake…
I remember the original cartoon version that was aired on PBS…
And I loved the story so much I wrote a book report on it in grade school (With illustrations!)…
(Drawn with those snazzy smelly markers…
The ones where the yellow one smelled like lemon and the brown one smelled like cinnamon…
And in the end if you drew a picture with all those different colors,
you wanted to throw up from the vapors penetrating your brain.)

I loved this timeless tale like the next person…

But…

Aren’t we beating this dead horse already?!?!
It’s already the consistency of pate’ by now.

And remember, they had to edit the story down a lot for film…
They had to edit it down so much that it could only fit into…
3 TWO AND A HALF HOUR MOVIES!!!!

How the hell are they going to translate all that vivid text into a 2-3 hour musical without losing any integrity?!?!

And singing!?!?

Oh don’t get me started…

I enjoy a good performance every now and then…

But…

Singing dwarves, hobbits, and elves!?!?!

And GOLLUM!

OMG!

Ballads about “My Precious”
Roaring choruses about “My Precious”
Gregorian chants in D minor about that damn “Precious”!

Leave it alone…

Leave it all alone…

Please… I’m beggin’ ya’…

And if I find out they wrote a song about Long Bottom Leaf…
So help me…
I’m gonna be hunting somebody down…

I admit it… I’m a big ol’ geek.
I embrace that.
Even when I feel all butchy and stuff…
there’s always my geek side to make sure I don’t take myself too seriously.

Here’s one of my geek moments…
Bear with me…

Kids Incorporated.
Yes you heard me.
Kids Incorporated was one of my favorite shows when I was a kid…
I refer to this show from time to time…
Fishing it out from a pool of trivial knowledge placed trepidatiously on the outskirts of the wasteland which is my long term memory.

For those who don’t remember this show…
It was a weekly early 80’s show which featured a rag tag bunch of Kids…
(thus the KIDS in Kids Incorporated)
Who hang out together…
Are best of friends…
And who have formed a rock band
(it was really more a pop band)
that headlined at their local hangout called “The P*lace”.
(Yes it was call The Place… *eek* I know… I know…)

In the midst of their everyday life…
Between school and home…
The P*lace and the park…
They faced difficulties that all kids and teens could relate to…
Like being too shy to ask someone on a date…
And accepting differences…
Like being friends with someone even though they’re more country, while you’re a little more rock n’ roll…
You get the picture…

Oh…
And they alllll managed to spontaneously break into poppish performance numbers that encompassed their plights and their triumphs…

If this all seems very candy apple…
(Sugary and hard to bite into)

It was…

But as a kid…
I was like…

Yeah… they understand me…
I’m going to sing along…
Cause that’s what we do…

*gag*

I hate me…
but yet I love me…

LOL.

I look back on that show fondly for the tongue and cheek aspect of it…

As well as the fact that it spawned a handful of well known talent…
(The term “talent” used very, very lightly)

First Up…

Mario Lopez…
Yes… our favorite latin stud from “Saved by the Bell” was part of the cast as one of their dancers
and finally the “drummer” of their band.
Muy Caliente!

Next…

Martika…
One of the “older” kids on the show…
She left the show after a couple of seasons to pursue music…
She became one of Prince’s many “proteges”…
(In other words… Schtupping.)
And released 2 albums…
One single, Toy Soldiers went to number one and continued on to be her “one hit wonder”…
Only to be rehashed and sampled by none other than Eminem in his current song…
“Like Toy Soldiers”

again… *eek*

Now the lesser known of the bunch…

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Party Of Five… Etc…
Enough said…

Finally…

Renee Sandstorm and Stacy Ferguson…

“Who?!?” you might ask…

Yeah… I thought so…

These 2 were the youngest of the first cast of kids…
They went on to join up with a third young lady years later and formed…

Wild Orchid

A girl singing group that had some mediocre success…
with numerous misguided remixes…
Hell… it was just all bad…

But Stacy left the group years later again…

and has now found a home in the group…

“The Black Eyed Peas”

Now know as “Fergie” she’s bearing the midrift, whoring it up on stage and singing to her little heart’s content…

“Let’s get it started…”
Stop it already!!!!
Geez!!!

There were other kids too… but we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel here.
Like the very bottom…
Like we’re chipping off wood…

But none the less…
I was fond of this show…
Maybe this is why my perception of reality is a little warped at times…
Having this as a partial guide to adolescent existence can really fuck up a small child’s mind…

“We’re Kids Incorporated!!! K-I-D-S Yeah!!!”

Oh by the way…
Someone started a petition to try to bring the show back…
Either back on the air or on video…
On video…
possibly worth doing…
On air…
Ummmmmm…. no.

Damn…
That roof has been burning for years…
Will somebody put out that god damn roof already…
LOL.

But I digress…

I came across this clip
(BTW… the clip is in Windows Media format…)
on The WoW Report tonight…
(BTW… World of Wonder rocks my world… it rocks me like a hurricane.)

And it got me thinking…

Well first it got me on the floor…
rolling and laughing…
laughing and rolling…
with the occasional…

“OMG!”

and

“I can’t believe…”

and

“I’m dying over here…”

You get the picture…

But this brings up 2 things…

1. Do not… DO NOT do the “running man” unless it is in jest or you’re MC Hammer (Can’t Touch THIS).

and

2. That old chestnut… “Can you f*ck as well as you can dance?”

Well… let’s take it down a notch…

I find a man extremely sexy if he can dance very well…

It’s the sway of the hips…
The commitment to the music…
A comfortability with their body…
Confidence in their moves…

*shiver*

“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.”

I remember going to the Paladium (*sigh*) years ago…
When I was a little green horn(ny toad)…

I was on the floor dancing…

Holding my own…

“You know I’m down… I’m with it…”

When I spot this guy off to the side of the floor…

Great looking…
Good build, nice face, great blue eyes…

I was all reved up…

Until…

He started dancing…

Stepping off beat…
Almost bumping into people…
Waving his arms around like he was signaling for help…

Just a mess…

Let’s just say…
I had to go to the bar immediately for a break…
yeah…
yeah…
that’s the ticket…

I mean…
Sometimes the view is stunning enough for one to overlook the loss of dancefloor brownie points but…
it a pretty high requirement on my list.

I had a conversation with a friend a while back about the Go-Go boys in NYC.
Many are drop dead…
Tight… taught… slammin’ eye candy…
And many of them know it…
But when it comes to dancing…
My god…

When did most of them stop knowing how to dance?!?

Yeah, them groping themselves is nice and all…
Especially with THAT THING dangling there…
(It’s like assault with a deadly weapon sometimes.)
But Go-Go guys used to turn the sh*t OOOOOUUUUT!
(To put it lightly.)

With the gyrating…

Dipping and dripping…

Turning and yearning…

*shiver*

Okay…
Sorry…Where were we?

Oh yeah…

The guy in the clip…
I was watching it and was like:

“Good looking (nice)”….

“Good bod (nice)”…

“Uniform and in the Air Force Academy (VEEEERRRY Nice)”…

“Wait…”

“It’s your birthday?!?!”

“No… wait… no… OMG…
Everybody… (no) SWEAT?!?!?”

I couldn’t take it…

Gone… the sexy had left the building.

It might be endearing to some…

yes…

but…

*shiver*

(and not in the good way.)

I was watching (again) the Project Runway finale on Bravo…
(I was addicted to the show… )
and Parker Posey was one of the judges…
I was online and decided to check out her Acting History.

I’ve only seen a handful of movies she’s been in…
and many of them not the best representation of her work.
Although she was spectacular in Dazed and Confused playing UberBitch Darla…

“Lick me, all of you.”

But looking at her list of credits… no wonder she was called the “Queen of Indies” by Time in 1997.

I keep looking it over and saying to myself…

Damn it… I still need to watch that…

I mean… I still have to see the Anniversay Party or Basquait…
Waiting for Guffman…
Best In Show…
SubUrbia… (I was an Acting Major in college… I had to read the script… Why haven’t I seen the movie?!?)
A Mighty Wind…
And kult classic… Party Girl…

The list goes on…

I know…

I hang my head in shame…

I… who likes the quirky and offbeat…
I… who admires the obscure and daring…
I… who remembers Gary Coleman in his other sort lived sitcom The Kid With The Broken Halo…

have not seen enough choice films.

Especially ones with Parker Posey in them…

[Yako Smirnoff voice/] Only in America!! Aha-aha-aha.[Yako Smirnoff voice]

The infamous retired topless dancer Tawny Peaks
is selling her autographed *gasp* 69-HH breast implants on Ebay!

Tawny Peaks auction a GoGo

Tawny Peaks (I just can’t get over her name… I love it so) got her 15 minutes of fame by winning a court case against a man who was sueing her because he supposedly suffered whiplash when she flopped her breasts onto his head during a bachelor party at the Diamond Dolls nightclub in Clearwater, Florida in 1998.

If I remember this case correctly…
and surpising, I remember this quite fondly…
she regularly did this as part of her act to create
“Mickey Mouse Ears” on the participant.
Think tea-bagging with hooters.

The case was settled in, you guessed it,
People’s Court,
being resided over by,
who knew,
former New York City Mayor Ed Koch.
(New York, New York… a hell of a town. Interpret “hell” any way you want it. :p )

During the court proceedings, Mr Koch instructed a female bailiff to inspect Tawny’s peaks (I LOVE HER NAME!) in private. The man sueing Tawny Peaks (AHAHAHA) stated that her breasts were “like two cement blocks”, but in her defense the bailiff found her breasts to be “soft” (yeah… that’s right…SOFT) and to weight about 2 pounds each.
Koch ruled them not dangerous (Careful… they might be loaded) and refused to pay damages to the man sueing Tawny Peaks.
(Sorry… I HAD to say her name again).

Flash forward…

She had them removed when she retired and recently found them collecting dust (instead of dollar bills) in her closet.
She had seen a show on TV about crazy things sold on Ebay and decided to put her buxom bosoms up for sale and has even decided to autograph the pair for the winner.

I decided to check out the auction after reading an article about it.
The article had stated the tata’s were going for $70 at the time the article was posted.
As of now… the gazongas are going for…

Drum roll please…

$16,750.00!!!

OMG!!!!

Ultra Beaucoup Fresh!!!!

And the kicker is…

The top bidder so far is…

Golden Palace Casino!

For those who don’t know…
These are the same people that spent 7 digits on Ebay for a grilled cheese sandwich
that had the likeness of the Virgin Mary “miraculously” branded upon it.
They also just recently spent, yet again, 7 digits on a french fry that looks like Abraham Lincoln
which was actually a prop used on a parody commercial for McDonald’s
that aired during this past Super Bowl.

They were going to tour the 2 items together as a marketing ploy…
but with this recent interest in Tawny Peaks’ peaks…peaks…
will this be the Super Sized Shake included with their Happy Meal?

“What knockers!!!”
“Oh… Thank you Doctor.”