To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them.
I remember memorizing that in college when I was majoring in acting.
Thought it fit this post with everything inside my head at the moment…
I’m at an another fork again.
No…
Not stuffing my face in some diner…
But life…
You know…
That thing.
I wrote a while back that I wanted to move…
Well…
I’ve made up my mind…
Well sort of.
I think…
“Think” being the optimum word…
I want to move to San Francisco.
Well realistically…
Oakland…
Or Berkley.
To live in SF proper would be out of the question…
E.X.P.E.N.S.I.V.E.
Maybe even Daly City…
Like, Filipino capital of the world… outside of Manila that is.
(Although, I think I’d go nuts…
Don’t get me wrong. I love being Filipino…
Just that…
I think it’d be a bit much for me…
But use what you got…
And if I have to use my Filipino background to find a place out there…
Well so be it.)
When I visited San Francisco a number of years back.
I left promising I’d be back there someday.
The city, although briefly there for over a week…
Left a big impression on me.
I really fell in love with the city.
The vibe…
The people…
The music…
The art…
The culture…
Just… sigh.
I miss it.
Maybe it was because I was visiting…
Not actually living there that made the city so welcoming to me.
But I still think about San Fran a lot.
Now with feet on the ground…
Questions came up…
What would I do there?
I mean.
What?
I could work at another bar.
But another part of me wants to get out of the bar scene.
I actually think I want to start something 9-5… ish.
I don’t know why.
But I do.
Get a little bit grounded with something I can I move up in.
I brought the idea of moving to San Francisco up with somebody I know…
And he threw a monkey wrench in my plans.
He brought up the idea…
What would I do out there… again.
I was thinking of some possible
retail oriented options I believe I would be good at…
Until I found something I could grow into.
Then he brought up the idea…
About heading back to school here in NY.
And to tell you the truth…
That’s not a bad idea…
He was thinking I should study something that could be job oriented…
In a field that could be useful anywhere I move to.
But here’s the deal.
I gave myself a time frame….
2 years.
2 years before I go.
I just signed my 2 year lease renewal a couple of months ago…
So I’m here for now.
But I’m also turning 35 in 2 years.
And I have a feeling that’s when I’ll be ready to go.
I have money saved up in the bank…
I could probably double that in 2 years if I strapped myself down.
So…
God…
Just so confused…
Do I stay here more than 2 years and go back to school?
Then move?
Do I try to get an associates in something here…
A 2 year degree in something…
Then move?
Do I move to San Francisco then go to school there?
If I go to school here…
The money I have saved will probably go towards that.
And then what funds will I have to move after I am done?
I have this need to just jump in with 2 feet…
And move after 2 years.
Period.
Pack up a U-Haul and drive cross country with all my stuff in the back.
I mean…
I would have flown out there sometime before
and set up an apartment for myself…
Maybe look at some job prospects while I’m at it.
I’m not totally going through it blind.
But…
Wow.
Just…
It’s a big decision.
I’ve lived in New York all my life.
33 years.
Over 10 years in New York City
And I’ve done a lot here.
Know a lot of people.
Have a good amount of great friends.
But I sit here…
And I don’t see myself growing old in this town.
The city is slowly grinding itself into me.
And I need a change.
Not just a different job…
It’s just…
I don’t think I can grow anymore here.
Emotionally…
Spiritually…
Honestly.
I mean…
Who knows…
I might end up hating San Francisco…
But I won’t know unless I try.
If I make a mistake.
I know I tried.
But something is calling me out there.
Out to that “other” coast.
And I want to be out there.
I really do.
